


we fell into love, we fell into wonder

by reultan



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, a sickening amount of fluff, aesthetic trash au, everyone is aesthetic trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-06-03 15:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6615607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reultan/pseuds/reultan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the girl snapped a few pictures of the boy, Alex came up from behind her and tapped her shoulder.<br/>"Sorry, um, I don't think you're supposed to take pictures of the art."<br/>"I was taking a picture of my friend," she replied smoothly.<br/>"I know."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Monet and Magnetism

 

The museum trip had been Lafayette’s idea. Not a surprise, really, but Alexander figured he could take a break now and then.

 

Well, that wasn't quite the truth, actually. What had really happened was Hercules had threatened to drag him there against his will if he didn't agree to “ _get off the damn laptop and come see some friggin’ art with us_.”

 

Naturally, Alex didn’t want to cross Hercules. The dude was seriously ripped.

 

So that’s how Alex found himself wandering off away from his friends. They had all split off into little groups to go to their favorite exhibits; Peggy and Lafayette had made a beeline for the modern art and medieval exhibits, Herc and Eliza were probably currently fawning over the textiles and fashion exhibits, and Angelica had tagged along with Alex to his favorite section.

 

Classical art.

 

Alex was absolutely fascinated with the sculptures and tablets, so much so that when he finally looked away from a Roman bust, Angelica was gone. Normally, this would have led to the onslaught of a panic attack, but his friends knew him well enough and cared about him enough to know what to do in this situations. Ergo, Angie had pressed a post-it into his palm without his noticing.

 

He unfolded it and read, “Just the next room or two over <3 A.”

 

Alex smiled. His friends were really, really good at making sure he felt comfortable and safe. If he knew where she was, he had no worries whatsoever.

 

He continued to stare at the bust before moving on to a full-body statue. It was beautiful. The attention to detail in all of this art was astounding. He wanted to do something like this, something that people would admire thousands of years after he was dead. That’s what he wanted his writing to be like; detailed and elegant, but rugged and raw and _real._

 

He glanced around the area he was in. There were a few obvious tourists, a family of three with a cute little kid, and what he assumed was a couple. They were back-to-back, admiring two different pieces but clearly close friends if not romantically involved. The one looking at the same sculpture he was, only from further away, had dark hair and red lipstick that matched her skater dress. She looked remarkably like Peggy, Alex realised. The girl smiled when they made eye contact, then turned to her companion.

 

Alex couldn’t tell from behind what the other person looked like. All he could make out was curly hair dyed lilac and pulled up into a ponytail, and a white shirt printed with pink popsicles. The girl bumped her friend’s shoulder and made him turn around, pulling her phone from her bag.

 

“John, turn around, I want to take a picture.” The guy turned and Alex was confronted by a stunning profile, practically godlike. His eyes flashed when he smiled and his wide grin highlighted what seemed like _millions_ of freckles.

 

“Alright, but I wanna take a few of you and then us together later,” he laughed. Alexander almost melted when he heard his voice. He ran through potential greetings in his head, almost getting to the point where he’d overthink and the opportunity would be gone. Thankfully, he stopped his own mind and decided to take the risk.

 

As the girl snapped a few pictures of the laughing boy, Alex came up from beside her and tapped her shoulder.

 

“Sorry, um, I don’t think you’re supposed to take pictures of the art.”

 

“I was taking a picture of my friend,” she replied smoothly.

 

“I know.” Alex smirked and threw in a wink at John for good measure. The girl tried to hide a laugh, and looked delighted on behalf of her friend.

 

“I’ll be around Renaissance, J!” she called, jogging away and leaving John alone and blushing.

 

“I’m- sorry,” Alex began. “That was kind of stupid.”

 

“It was kind of awesome,” the boy replied, tucking a stray curl behind his ear. Alex noticed that he had double piercings and a helix piercing on both ears, which was wicked cool. “I’m, uh, John. Laurens.”

 

“Alex… ander Hamilton.” Not knowing exactly what to do, he held his hand out. John took it, and Alex felt weak as a warm, strong hand clasped his and shook it firmly. He had a good, solid handshake, nothing like the weird limp one that seemed to be common. Alexander was reluctant to let go, but he knew it would be weird if he didn’t. “Nice to meet you, John Laurens.”

 

“You too, Alexander Hamilton.” He fiddled with his bag, fingers dancing across the top. “So, um, can I assume that was a pickup line, or are you just looking for an art-loving friend? I mean, either way is fine by me…”

 

Alex barked out a laugh. “Definitely a pickup line, albeit a cheesy-as-hell pickup line.”

 

John bit his lip, and _oh,_ it wasn’t fair for Alex to be falling this hard already. “It wasn’t _that_ bad. I mean, it worked, didn’t it?”

 

Alex paused, confusion mingling with flickering hope. “Did it?”

 

John fished a tiny notepad and pencil out of his bag (a light blue Kanken, Alex noted with delighted envy) and scribbled something down. He tore the page out and presented it to Alexander.

 

“I’m pretty sure it did.”

 

Alex looked down to see a phone number and John’s name with a heart after it. He realized he had been silent for a little too long and cleared his throat.

 

“My, um, my friends are all branched out in different places around the museum. They dragged me here to get me to take a break, and since your friend kind of took off I was wondering, well, I mean, if it’s okay with you, instead of you waiting for me to call and us doing tons of planning and scheduling, I thought that maybe we could-” John put a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Alexander, calm down. You’re talking about a mile a minute. Take a few deep breaths, okay?”

 

Alex followed his advice. “Sorry,” he apologized weakly. John shook his head.

 

“Nothing to apologize for. D’you want to try again?” Alex couldn't believe how well John had reacted, and how quickly he was able to figure out what Alex needed. It was… endearing.

 

“Yeah,” he continued, “Um, disregarding all of that other stuff, would you like to make this an impromptu art museum date? If- if you want?”

 

“I’d really like that, yeah.”

 

“Yeah?” Alex blew a lock of hair out of his face and smiled, trying to pretend that he was calm. How could anyone be calm after being told that the beautiful, wonderful John Laurens wanted to go on a date with them?

 

Alexander cleared his throat. “Where do you want to start?”

 

“What’s your favorite piece in the entire museum?” John asked softly, his tone almost wistful.

 

“I- I don’t think I come here often enough to really pick a favorite, but I’d… I’d like to see yours.”

 

John grinned wickedly and grabbed his hand, pulling him through several rooms of the gallery until they reached Impressionism. They stopped in front of a Monet, and John turned to Alex with a dreamy look.

 

“It’s beautiful, isn't it? The colors are so gorgeous, and the blending… He chose an amazing subject, the countryside in Giverny is so breathtaking! The flowers are so detailed even though they're so small, it's absolutely amazing, isn’t it?”

 

Alexander was only half paying attention to John’s excited rambling; his attention was far more oriented toward the fact that John hadn't let go of his hand. Instead, as he continued talking about the history of the painting he threaded their fingers together, probably without noticing.

 

“It's really amazing,” Alex agreed. John turned to him with a smile.

 

“Yeah. I could stare at it for hours and it wouldn't be enough.”

 

“I know the feeling,” Alex murmured. He expertly pulled his phone out of his pocket without letting go of John's hand, and painstakingly tapped out a text to the group chat.

 

**a.ham:** on an impromptu date. don't worry about me

**ANGELica:** oh my god alex spill

**a.ham:** trying not to let of of his hand sorry

**lafgayette:** omg

**andpeggy:** omg

**ANGELica:** omg

**elizard:** omg

**gothedistance:** omg

**gothedistance:** i was peer pressured okay

**andpeggy:** u should take him to lunch w us

**andpeggy:** we were gonna go to that cafe a few blocks over

**elizard:** yeah pls bring ur man

**elizard:** we wanna met him!!

**ANGELica:** yeah tell him he's totally welcome

**a.ham:** ok I’ll give it a shot

 

“Hey, uh, my friends are gonna go out to lunch in a little while, and they'd really like to meet you. If you wanna come with…”

 

“Oh, I'll check with Maria, but yeah I'd love to go.” He took out his phone and began tapping out a message.

 

“Maria? Is that the girl you were with earlier?” Alex asked.

 

“Yeah, she's like, my best friend.”

 

“Oh, that's cool. She looks a lot like my friend Peggy, actually. It's kinda weird.”

 

“That's strange,” John mused. “I know a Peggy who looks like Maria. Are we talking about Peggy Schuyler?”

 

Alex felt himself grinning in excitement. “Yeah, you know her?”

 

“She's in one of my art classes, uh-huh,” John said. “It's funny, I think she might've mentioned an Alexander at one point. I'm pretty sure-" he paused as his phone buzzed. “It's Maria. She said she’s meeting up with a friend later anyway, so I guess that frees me up for lunch.” he flashed that grin again and Alex flushed.

 

“Awesome, lemme just check my texts.”

 

**gothedistance:** we left the museum @alex

**ANGELica:** you remember where the cafe is right

**a.ham:** chill guys we’re on our way

**elizard:** omg im so excited  <3

**elizard:** is he cute

**a.ham:** ;)

**elizard:** omg

 

“Okay, we can go whenever you’re ready.” Alexander looked up from his phone to see John smiling.

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more ready for anything in my life.” He paused, shifting his weight from one foot to another. “Is it weird that I’m scared to death?”

 

“Nah,” Alex grinned. “Me too.”


	2. Polaroids

John hadn’t planned for his day to end up like this. Frankly, he’d planned to go to the museum with Maria, then to some nearby park or something to take polaroids like the art-loving piece of garbage he was.

 

Instead, he met a cute boy who introduced himself with a ridiculous (but endearing) pickup line. Honestly, he could hardly believe it had happened. And now he was meeting Alexander’s friends? Insane.

 

The moment they stepped into the little café, John heard a few small gasps coming from a table in the back. Well, a few tables pushed together, actually, but still. Alexander led him to it and pulled up two more chairs, pulling John’s out for him before sitting down himself. It was really sweet, actually.

 

“So, this is the guy I was talking about, everyone. John Laurens.” Most of Alexander’s friends gave a small wave. All of them were smiling. “John, you know Peggy, right? Have you met her sisters?”

 

“I don't think I've had the pleasure,” he replied. Alexander grinned, bouncing slightly in his seat.

 

“In the pink, that's Angelica.” The girl in the baseball tee with the eyebrow piercing smiled. “Next to her in blue is Eliza.” The other girl grinned widely and waved. John made a note to compliment her tattoos when the opportunity presented itself. Alexander then pointed at the insanely tall guy wearing a blazer over a “cats against catcalls" shirt. He was wearing eyeliner and had curly hair tied into a messy bun.

 

“That's Lafayette, or Laf. Use he or they pronouns, either or. Next to them is Hercules, but usually we just call him Herc or Mulligan.” The other guy gave a nod by way of a greeting. His tank top had some cool triangular symbols with lines through them on it (the element symbols, a voice in the back of his head piped up) and the lack of sleeves showed off ridiculous muscles. He had a bandanna tied around his head.

 

“It's really great to meet you all,” John smiled. “Thanks for letting me hang out with you guys.”

 

“Of course!” exclaimed Eliza. “I  _ adore _ your hair, by the way.”

 

“Thanks! You've got some seriously nice ink yourself.” Eliza blushed, tracing one of her tattoos, a rose on her inner right forearm.

 

“So, John, I'm sure we're all dying to know,” Lafayette drawled through a thick French accent,”How did you and Alex end up on a date?”

 

“He actually approached me first, and he was,” he glanced at the man beside him, “Incredibly cute, so I really don't know how I could've said no.” Peggy “awww'd” and Lafayette  _ giggled _ . 

 

“ _ Vous êtes si mignons!” _

 

“ _ Merci beaucoup!” _ John laughed, only somewhat taken aback by his French. He'd taken it in high school, so he didn't have any trouble understanding Lafayette. The Frenchman in question looked delighted.

 

“You speak French, John?”

 

_ “Ouais, bien sûr!” _

 

“Alexander,  _ mon petit lion,  _ you have chosen well.”

 

“Okay, sorry to change the subject, but John, is that a camera strap hanging out of your bag?” Angelica looked hopeful, and John laughed, pulling out his polaroid.

 

“Yep!”

 

Eliza squealed. “Ohmigosh, we match!” She held up a blue camera to complement his raspberry one. In weirdly perfect sync, Angelica and Peggy pulled out pink and yellow ones, respectively. He chuckled.

 

“Awesome.”

 

“We should take a picture!” Peggy suggested. Lafayette made a noise of enthusiastic agreement.

 

“I’ll take it,” John offered.

 

“Oh, but then you won't be in it!” Eliza pouted.

 

“Yeah, John, we have plenty of pictures of all of us already,” Alexander agreed. “I'll take it.”

 

“Okay, but I want pictures of the rest of you afterwards,” John said as he handed over the camera.

 

John ended up with an array of pictures that he knew he'd be hanging up later. His favorite was the one of Alexander that he had taken without his knowing. He had been mid-laugh, head thrown back, and he looked breathtaking. His eyes were constantly full of light and laughter, and John was almost caught staring several times. Alexander didn't notice, but Lafayette and Hercules smirked knowingly when he made eye contact with them.

 

He spent most of the time either getting to know Alexander's friends or trying to be discreet about admiring the man himself. At one point Alexander had been flicking his hair over his shoulders one too many times, and John noticed his annoyance.

 

“Do you need a hairtie, Alexander?” He pulled off the one he had on his wrist and offered it to him. 

 

“You don't need to-"

 

“It's fine, I have like a million, I swear. You can have it.” Alexander smiled gratefully.

 

“Thanks.” He began pulling up his hair, and John couldn't help the tiny gasp that escaped him. He had an  _ undercut _ , and he was wearing tiny hoop earrings. Alexander stared at John, dropping his hands. His hair fell back into place, hiding the shaved sides again. Everyone was silent. “Is there… something wrong?”

 

“What? No! No, it's just… your hair. I wasn't expecting it. I didn't realize.” The rest of Alexander's friends resumed their light chatter, assured that nothing was wrong.

 

Alexander tucked a lock behind his ear, head low. John reached for him and took his hand, making him look up. A deep flush was spreading across his cheeks, and he looked soft and sweet and absolutely gorgeous. John was filled with the overwhelming urge to kiss him.

 

“There's nothing wrong with it, Alexander, I was just surprised. I love it, okay?” He leaned closer, speaking softly. “You're beautiful, sweetheart. Your hair looks lovely.”

 

Alexander blushed a little harder. “Thanks,” he mumbled, pulling his hair up into a messy bun. John dropped a kiss to the top of his head.

 

“Of course, darlin’.”

 

They all parted ways after an hour or two in the café, and Alexander promised to text him later. John leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek, leaving the smaller man blushing.

 

“I had an amazing day, Alexander,” he whispered before turning away to begin the walk to his apartment. 

 

He was home about forty minutes later, attaching the polaroids to his living room wall with washi tape. His phone buzzed, and he picked it up after securing the last photo (one of Peggy, Alexander, Herc, and Lafayette, arms around each other and beaming) to the wall.

 

**from unknown number:** I really enjoyed today too.

 

John smiled to himself, saving Alexander’s number before texting back.

 

**to Alexander <3:** i'm glad

 

The reply was near instantaneous.

 

**from Alexander <3:** This probably sounds crazy and will scare you off, but I can't stop thinking about you.

**to Alexander <3: ** actually it's not crazy. i cant get you out of my head either

**from Alexander <3:** what are you doing tomorrow? I want to see you again if that's okay with you

**to Alexander <3:** i have work in the morning but im free by 2:30. i'd love to see u

**from Alexander <3:** there's a plant show from noon to six that i want to take you to

**to Alexander <3:** that sounds wonderful <3

**from Alexander <3:** okay Lafayette is bugging me and Herc about cleaning the apartment again I gotta go

**to Alexander <3:** oh i didn't know you lived together

**from Alexander <3:** yeah, it gets pretty wild

**from Alexander <3:** okay I really have to go. Laf is about to start throwing stuff at me. I'll call you tomorrow when you get off work xx

 

John stared at the little kisses Alexander had signed off with, feeling something in his chest twist. Had he really only met him today? It felt unreal; he was so infatuated already.

 

**to Alexander <3:** have fun. goodnight beautiful.

 

John waited a few minutes, but when no reply came he chucked his phone into his room and went into the tiny kitchenette to grab an Izze before taking his sketchbook into his bedroom.

 

He tried to sketch someone, anyone, but all his pencil wanted to do was trace the contours of Alexander's face and sketch that dark, silky-looking hair that he desperately wanted to bury his hands in. He sketched Alexander half a dozen or more times, finding it oddly therapeutic. Alexander laughing, Alexander fake pouting like he had when Angelica said John was too good for him, Alexander staring into space, completely unaware of John admiring his profile.

 

When his phone next buzzed, he realized an hour had passed. It was a text from Alexander.

 

**from Alexander <3:** goodnight, Dear Laurens

 

John smiled and got up to prepare for bed. 

  
He fell asleep wondering what it would be like to kiss Alexander Hamilton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed that!! as always, thanks to Marissa for being my beta <3  
> find me on tumblr @jeffer-sin
> 
> Vous êtes si mignons - You're so cute  
> Ouais, bien sûr - Yeah, of course


	3. The "L" Word (Not Lesbian, the Other One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is 99% fluff so far i'm sorry

In another apartment, in another part of the city, Alexander was having similar thoughts. Lafayette ended up pelting him with a rolled-up pair of socks when he wouldn’t get off his phone.

 

“Texting your man?” they teased.

 

Alex scowled. “Shut up, man, I’m coming.”

 

The Frenchman laughed. “Do it a little faster, _mon chou,_ your boyfriend can wait.”

 

“He’s not-” Alex began indignantly, pausing when he realized that he had no idea what his current relationship status was. Sure, they had gone on a date and were going on another tomorrow, but what did that mean to John? Even Alex himself wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he really liked John Laurens. A lot.

 

Hercules shook him out of his trance by tapping him gently on the shoulder. Alex greatly appreciated the effort not to startle him.

 

“You okay, man?”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, sorry. What am I supposed to be doing again?”

 

“Currently? You and I are doing the general tidying-up so Laf can start the actual cleaning.”

 

“Remind me why we’re doing this at 10 pm?”

 

“Because this apartment is a mess and it has to be clean if you bring John over,” Lafayette sing-songed from the next room, where he was folding laundry. “Also, I know you need to burn up your, how you say, _énergie inquiète_ , at the moment.”

 

“Restless energy,” Herc shouted back.

 

“ _Merci!_ ”

 

Alexander smiled. He was really grateful that his friends understood him well enough to know what he needed. He and Hercules decided to tackle their own rooms first, then moved on to the living room area. Lafayette probably had some kind of weird magic powers when it came to cleaning, because by the time Alex and Herc had straightened everything up, the apartment was practically sparkling.

 

“This is much better, isn’t it?” Laf beamed.

 

“It only took, like, an hour,” Herc agreed. “I’d say we did well.”

 

“I don’t know what you guys are doing, but I’m gonna crash,” Alexander said. Lafayette turned their head so fast that Alex worried about whiplash.

 

“ _Quoi?_ I’m sorry, is Alexander Hamilton voluntarily sleeping?””

 

“Shut up,” Alex retorted, smacking their arm. “I’m tired, I have to plan a date tomorrow, and I just spent an hour cleaning the entire apartment. My essay isn’t due until next month and I’m already six pages over the requirement. Let me live.”

 

Hercules laughed. “Go to bed, Alex. You deserve it more than anyone I know.”

 

Lafayette pressed a kiss to his friend’s forehead. “ _Oui, mon coeur,_ sleep well. _Je t’aime._ ”

 

“ _Je t’aime aussi. Et toi,_ Hercules.”

 

Herc smiled, and there was something soft about his expression. “Love you too, Hamilton. Now go sleep.”

 

Alexander fell asleep pretending that John would climb into bed next to him any minute.

 

* * *

 

Two weeks later, they’d been on a total of nine dates and were texting every day.

 

Alexander had often expressed that his heart fluttered every time John called him “darlin’” or “sweetheart,” though he had soon realized John was liberal in his use of pet names. Maybe it had something to do with his southern upbringing, Alex had suggested. John had laughed and confirmed that yes, that was it.

 

But there were specific names he saved for Alex. He’d whisper them into his hair when they were out with friends, and when they were alone they’d spill from his lips and wash over Alexander. Things like “sweet pea,” and “honey,” and variations of “gorgeous” or “beautiful.”

 

John’s absolute favorite, though, the one he used the most and that Alexander said made his heart swell like a hot air balloon was “baby girl.”

 

Currently John was using it to keep Alexander’s attention as far from their Netflix stream of Grand Hotel as possible. He stroked the back of Alex’s hand with his thumb and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

 

“Baby girl,” he teased, “Julio can wait.” Alex smiled and moved to pause the episode, but John caught his hand before he could pick up the remote. “Background noise,” he explained with a grin.

 

“You’re way better-looking than Julio anyway,” Alex murmured with a smile. John grinned, genuinely surprised.

 

“You flatter me, _querido,_ ” he laughed. Alexander seemed to perk up at the name.

 

“ _Yo estoy diciendo la verdad,_ ” was his reply. John gazed into his dark eyes, the sudden silence between them amplifying the dialogue onscreen. Alex bit his lip, and that pushed John over the edge. He closed the distance between them and kissed him, gently cupping his cheek.

 

They had previously only exchanged brief pecks on the cheek or lips, so to have Alexander’s lips all to himself made John’s heart flutter. Alex was first to deepen the kiss eagerly, and John responded in kind, reveling in the way that Alexander’s mouth was so soft and pliant under his own.

 

He tangled his free hand in Alex’s silky hair, and Alex moved his hands to rest on John’s hip and thigh. Alexander’s mouth was hot and welcoming and it made John’s head spin. Or maybe that was the lack of air.

 

John broke the kiss to breathe, resting his forehead against Hamilton’s. They were both panting, grinning.

 

“Hi,” John laughed, unable to find words. Alex pressed another sweet kiss to his lips, and John felt him smiling.

 

“Hey.”

 

“I've, um, kinda been meaning to ask you something,” John admitted. Alexander nodded.

 

“Yeah? Is there something wrong?”

 

“No, nothing like that. It's just, um, I don't really know how to define what we have, and I know we only met two weeks ago, but I was wondering… if you would be my boyfriend.”

 

“After _that_ kiss? How could I say no?”

 

“Alex, I'm serious.”

 

“So am I. John, I like you a lot. I would _love_ to be your boyfriend. I was actually wondering how to bring it up, so I'm really glad you did.” He smirked. “Seal it with a kiss?”

 

John laughed. “You know I can't say no to you, baby girl.” He obliged his boyfriend ( _boyfriend!_ ) with a deep kiss, savoring the softness of his lips and the lingering taste of his four consecutive coffees.

 

“Mmm, baby, you are so good at that,” Alex hummed when they broke apart again. He threaded his fingers through John's hair, twirling the ringlets around his fingers. “Have I ever told you how much I love your hair?”

 

“Yes, sweet pea, constantly.”

 

“Well, I'll just tell you again. I love it. I love _you_.” His eyes widened as he realized what he'd said, and John's heart twisted as Alex withdrew. “Shit. I'm sorry.”

 

“Alexander,” John tried to get his attention, to no avail. Alex was staring blankly at the TV, and John grabbed the remote and switched it off. “Baby. Look at me.” Alex obeyed, looking up at him with misty eyes. John kissed the corner of his mouth. “ _Te amo, querido_. I love you too, okay? It isn’t too soon. It’s never too soon to use the ‘L’ word if that’s how you feel.” Alexander nodded, tears spilling over his lashes when he blinked.

 

“I'm sorry. I- it was too soon, we just officially got together and I'm sorry. I didn't want to force you into saying it back if it wasn't true.”

 

“What makes you think that you're so undeserving of my love?” John's voice was soft now, kind of raspy. He forced back tears of his own, taking Alexander’s hand and squeezing it.

 

“I'm a mess, _mon chèr_. You deserve so much better than-” John cut him off immediately.

 

“No. No, Alexander Hamilton, I will not sit here and listen to you talk down on yourself. You might be a mess, but I am too. No one is perfect all of the time, _mon amour_. Believe me, I know.” He brought Alexander’s hand to his lips. “I believe in using the word ‘love’ freely. There isn’t enough of it in the world.”

 

He pulled Alex half into his lap, cradling him. “You okay now?” Alexander nodded. “Good. D'you wanna turn Grand Hotel back on?” He nodded again, apparently content just to be held in John's arms, his head buried in John’s chest. John smiled and kissed his head. “As much as I enjoy this, you're gonna have to get off me if you want to watch the show, baby.”

 

Alex grumbled and shifted so he was huddled into John's side. “Better?”

 

“Much. Now look at Julio and his stupid beautiful face,” John said as he switched the television back on.

 

“ _How_ does he get his hair _that good?_ ” Alex whined.

 

“It’s a mystery. We’ll never know.”

  
Alexander laughed, eyes bright, and John felt complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed that!! honestly I have no idea what this chapter is. also, please pardon my google translate spanish.
> 
> as always, my tumblr is jeffer-sin :)
> 
> EDIT: over 1.2k hits?? you guys are awesome, thank you so much <3 I'm so glad and surprised that y'all are digging this so much!!


	4. Goodnight Sweetheart (It's Time to Go)

John and Alex had been together for two months or so, and during that time John had become very close with Herc and Laf. The four of them were together almost constantly, and John spent a lot of time at their apartment. It was a huge flat with enough room to accommodate a _lot_ of people. Lafayette was apparently related to incredibly wealthy French royalty, and insisted on covering all of the rent. Hercules and Alexander had never been able to convince him to take their money.

 

John often ended up staying at their place when the four of them stayed up too late for him to get home. In these cases, he would drag Alexander to bed with him to make sure the Caribbean man didn’t overwork himself. Alex would fall asleep and _stay_ asleep when John was beside him, and Lafayette and Hercules were still incredulous.

 

Alexander had a habit of writing until he quite literally collapsed. He also tended to forget that human beings needed food and water to survive. Before John came along, he rarely slept at all, but now he would come to bed when John managed to drag him there. He would eat when John forced him to take a break, and he’d drink water if John left him with a bottle.

 

John’s affections were often subtle. He let his actions, rather than his words, display his feelings. His love was conveyed through his body and his gestures. A gentle nudge of his hip against Alexander’s was equivalent to a long paragraph; a languid kiss proclaimed what Alex could only explain through lengthy prose.

 

Alexander wrote poetry; John’s poetry was found in the way his body twisted around Alex’s smaller frame as they lay in bed late at night. Alexander quoted romantic passages at length; John listened to his words as he kissed down his neck, mouthing at the spot behind his ear that he knew would turn Alex’s flowery quotations into long, high-pitched whimpers. Alexander’s love was full of words, each one chosen carefully. John’s love was often silent, the fluidity of his movements and the care in his all of his actions.

 

Lafayette and Hercules had apparently never been able to make Alex take care of himself. Now, not only was Hamilton happier because of John’s presence in his life, but he was genuinely healthier, too.

 

John felt at peace whenever his body was wrapped around Alexander’s and he could feel the smaller man breathing. There was an odd sense of serenity in the disruption of Hamilton’s usual fast-paced work ethic.

 

Alexander was sweetest when he was sleepy. He was cuddly and relaxed and utterly endearing. It was sweet, and John relished the moments he had alone with Alex when they were both completely at peace.

 

* * *

 

 

On a Friday that John had off work for the evening, he decided to stay at his own place and read a book he’d just bought. Lafayette had recommended an impressionist biography and John had immediately gone out to find it. Just as he’d opened the book, his phone buzzed on the bed next to him.

 

**from My Alexander:** any plans tonight?

**to My Alexander:** reading, why?

**from My Alexander:** do u mind if i go out?

**to My Alexander:** of course not, baby girl, do whatever you want

**from My Alexander:** okay, enjoy your book, love  <3

**to My Alexander:** enjoy your night out xx

 

It only took John an hour or two to finish his book, and the night was still relatively young, so he decided to go out after all. Grabbing only his phone, wallet, and keys, John headed out to a little indie bar he sometimes used to frequent with Maria.

 

The atmosphere was energetic, the neon lights casting brightly-colored glows on the skin of the attendees. John ordered a simple beer and planned on taking a seat and drinking alone, but he was deterred by a Beyoncé song beginning to play over the speakers. Beer in hand, he made his way to the dance floor. It was practically a life rule to always dance to Beyoncé, one that for John dated back to his sophomore year in highschool.

 

It wasn’t fast-paced enough for people to be grinding to, for which John thanked his lucky stars. There was nonetheless something addictive about being surrounded by people, drunk and sober alike, who were all enjoying the music just as much as he was. He rarely went out like this, especially not alone, and he realized suddenly that he missed it.

 

After another song or two, John made his way toward a wall near the back of the bar, having abandoned drinking after just one beer. He wanted to be buzzed enough to feel good but sober enough to walk home. He saw a couple making out in his peripheral vision, and thought of Alexander, who he knew would love this place. The atmosphere and energy were perfect for him, and he thrived in a crowd, especially when they were all arts and music oriented as most of the patrons were.

 

After a few minutes of watching people dance, John turned his head absentmindedly and ended up looking at the couple; a girl in a wine-colored top and jeans, and a long-haired guy only visible from the back, wearing chinos and a flannel.

 

A flannel that John recognized.

 

The couple moved a little as they continued to kiss, and when they turned to reveal their profiles John felt an overwhelming urge to vomit.

 

The dark-haired girl in the red top was Maria Reynolds, his best friend of almost a decade, and the long-haired guy sporting an unmistakable undercut was none other than his boyfriend, Alexander Hamilton.

 

His boyfriend, Alexander.

 

John felt tears pricking his eyes as his body was overwhelmed with heat and nausea. He turned away and pushed through the crowded dance floor to get outside and hail a taxi. He spent the entire short trip attempting to keep his composure and force back the tears that were threatening to escape.

 

The Frenchman opened the door, looking concerned when they found their friend to be the source of the urgent knocking. Seeing the state John was in, they ushered him inside.

 

“Come here,” they said softly, opening their arms. John rushed into their embrace, bursting into tears. “Tell me what’s wrong, _mon chèr._ “

 

”Alex- Alexander- he-”

 

“ _Mon dieu,_ what happened?”

 

“He cheated,” John burst out. Lafayette froze.

 

“ _Non._ ” John nodded against his chest. “John, my dear, are you sure?” John pulled away from him, staring directly into his eyes.

 

“He was making out with Maria Reynolds in a bar.” He barely got the sentence out before his voice started trembling again and he blinked back more tears. “Lafayette, what do I do?”

 

Hercules came out of his room after noticing that John had entered, and looked at the two of them questioningly.

 

“John, what’s wrong?” he asked, voice thick with concern. John was silent, and Laf pulled him toward their side again, stroking his hair gently.

 

“John saw Alexander kissing Maria Reynolds,” Laf explained softly.

 

“Oh my god. John… what do you need from us right now?”

 

John shook his head. “I don’t know.”

 

“Do you wanna talk about it, or do you wanna be distracted?”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

 

“How about a movie?”

 

“Lord of the Rings marathon?” Laf suggested. “Long enough to keep your mind away from things.”

 

“Yeah,” John rasped, his voice hoarse from crying.

 

They put the movie on and sandwiched John between them on the sofa, holding him as he tried his best to distract his mind from what had happened. He knew he’d have to address it eventually, but for now he just wanted to forget about it.

 

Unfortunately, they were half an hour into the second movie when there was a knock on the door. Lafayette got up to check it, leaving John to nestle further into Herc’s side. As soon as Lafayette opened the door, he nearly slammed it shut again, but the person on the other side pushed against it.

 

“Get out,” Laf spat at the person, who wasn’t visible behind their tall frame.

 

“Lafayette, please-” John tensed. He knew that voice. He had last heard that voice whispering the words of Virgil in between stolen kisses.

 

“No. Alexander, leave. You’re not welcome here.”

 

“I live here!” Alex protested. Mulligan paused the movie, stroking John’s hair gently.

 

“Not tonight you don’t,” Lafayette answered, their voice low and dangerous.

 

“You’re my friend, Laf, and so is Herc. Please, let me in.”

 

Lafayette snapped. “You hurt John!” he bellowed. “ _Il est notre ami aussi!_ He came to us! _Nous étions là pour lui! Tu es le problème, Alexandre! Il t’aime, et tu triches sur lui!_ Imagine how that feels, Alexander, for just one moment!” John was crying again, and by the sound of it, so was Alexander.

 

“Lafayette, please,” he choked out. “I know it’s no excuse, but we were both drunk and it was one kiss! I swear I can explain-”

 

“ _Ça ne fait rien! Il est navré! Vas te faire foutre, Alexandre, bonne nuit!”_ Lafayette slammed the door without letting Alex say another word.

 

John let out a broken sob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly i'm so sorry for this don't kill me please  
> i'm an evil, bad person for inflicting pain upon john, he is Pure™ and undeserving of this suffering  
> honestly i love to write angst just as much as i love to write fluff so please send me prompts for either one
> 
> find me on tumblr as per usual at jeffer-sin
> 
> translations:  
> Il est notre ami aussi! - He's our friend too!  
> Nous étions là pour lui! Tu es le problème, Alexandre! Il t’aime, et tu triches sur lui! - We were there for him! You're the problem, Alexander! He loves you, and you're cheating on him!  
> Ça ne fait rien! Il est navré! Vas te faire foutre, Alexandre, bonne nuit! - That means nothing! He's heartbroken! Fuck off, Alexander, goodnight!


	5. Rescue My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for the previous chapter please forgive me  
> this has been sitting in my drafts for like two weeks oops  
> i hope you enjoy it!! sorry it's so short, but i had a good stopping point  
> thanks as always to my lovely beta Marissa!! go read her fic "The Story of Us"  
> (http://archiveofourown.org/works/6789046/chapters/15512107)

John fell asleep between his two friends during the Battle of Helm’s Deep. He was so emotionally exhausted that he missed his favorite scene: Legolas’s shield-surfing. Lafayette and Mulligan were able to carefully lift him and bring him to the guest room that had become his honorary bedroom due to the fact that he stayed with them so often. The only signs that he ever spent time in the room were a few art prints taped to the walls and his plant bedding from Ikea.

 

Hercules had carried him while Laf prepared his bed and helped ease off his shoes while he was lying down. It was the best they could do without waking him up. John’s hair had fallen out of its ponytail at some point during the first movie, lavender curls falling across the pillow. His clothing consisted of Adidas sweatpants and a shirt that read “plants are friends,” printed with drawings of cacti, so they left him as he was. They knew he would be comfortable sleeping in his current clothing. Fortunately, he didn’t have Alex’s habit of falling asleep at his desk in his skinny jeans.

 

John’s face was streaked with tears and even in sleep he looked distressed, his body tense. Mulligan and Lafayette left him to go to bed themselves, hoping he’d feel better in the morning.

 

He didn’t. He woke up disoriented, missing the solid warmth of Alexander’s body beside him. Then he remembered the previous night and sucked in a shaking breath.

 

John didn’t even bother getting dressed, just stayed in yesterday’s clothes and left his bedroom. His phone was on the floor near the couch, and every few moments it buzzed with a message. There was a sticky note on it that read, “out getting breakfast for the 3 of us xoxo L+H” and John almost managed a smile. Almost.

 

Against his better judgement, he checked his phone. 11 new messages. Some of them were from Alex, and these he ignored in favor of assuring the Schuylers that he was okay.

 

**_the schuyler skype sisters_ **

**elizard:** john are you okay?? I’m so sorry

**ANGELica:** i’m ready to kick alexander’s ass from here to next month

**andpeggy:** i’ll help

**elizard:** please tell us when you’re awake

**elizard:** we worry about you

**andpeggy:** <3

**fightme.txt:** its fine guys im okay. dont worry about me

 

Really, he wasn’t okay. He was a mess. But he really didn’t want people to worry about him. They had their own problems to be concerned with. Within minutes, all three of them were blowing up the Skype chat, and he closed the app to check his texts.

 

**from Queen Maria:** john, holy shit, i’m so sorry. i was drunk as shit last night and i literally grabbed the nearest person. i didn’t realize it was alex until he pushed me away and i’m SO sorry.

**from Queen Maria:** i know you probably can’t forgive me for this, but at least forgive alex. he shoved me away and gave a whole speech about how much he loves you. i swear to god i didn’t realize it was him before that.

**to Queen Maria:** it didn’t look like he pushed you away

 

The reply was immediate.

 

**from Queen Maria:** john i swear to god he did. he was drunk too so it wasn’t instant but it took him a good five or ten seconds to get his head clear enough to stop me

**to Queen Maria:** okay

**from Queen Maria:** please believe me, j. i love you. i wouldn’t lie to you about something like this.

 

Provided with this new information, John had no idea what to do. Maria had never lied to him, but he was still furious at Alex. Did he dare open Alexander’s messages?

 

He took a deep breath. No, he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t give Alexander the satisfaction of thinking he was desperate. Not yet. He wasn’t even sure if he  _ ever _ wanted to talk to him about it.

  
  


It had been a week and a half, and Alex hadn’t heard a single word from John. He was currently staying with an old college friend Aaron Burr and his very lovely girlfriend Theodosia. While Theo assured him that he could stay as long as he needed to, he was anxious to leave. He didn’t want to take advantage of their hospitality for any longer than he absolutely had to. Besides, he and Burr had always had a habit of starting friendly arguments (which occasionally morphed into actual debates).

 

The Schuylers had remained relatively neutral to the conflict, offering comfort to both of them. Eliza was the most intent on resolving their falling-out. Angelica had wanted nothing to do with Alexander until he explained the full story. She softened towards him, as did Peggy, though the latter was leaning more to John’s side, having known him longer.

 

Alexander’s phone buzzed, and he picked it up with something akin to dread.

 

**from Fave Fighting Frenchman:** john wants to talk to you.

 

Okay. Not what he’d expected.

 

**from Fave Fighting Frenchman:** he says to meet him at 1pm in the place where you first met

**fo Fave Fighting Frenchman:** d’accord

 

So John wanted to talk to him. Did  _ he _ want to talk to  _ John _ ?

 

Who was he trying to kid? Of course he did. He was desperate to give his explanation. He missed John every moment of every day, so much so that his chest ached with unfamiliar emptiness.

  
  


John waited in front of the exact statue where Alex had approached him, his stomach in knots. At almost exactly one o’clock Alexander joined him. There was an incredibly awkward silence.

 

“Um. Hi.”

 

“Yeah. Hi.” He looked disinterested, almost  _ bored _ . “Say what you want to say.”

 

“John, I’m… I’m so sorry. I messed up and I hurt you and you don’t deserve that.” Alex paused for a moment. “Yes, I was drunk, and yes, so was Maria. She kind of grabbed me and kissed me, and as soon as I realized what was happening I pushed her away. She discovered that it was me and apologized profusely. John, I’m so sorry. I wish this had never happened.”

 

“Maria was telling the truth,” John breathed. He hadn’t exactly doubted her, but Alexander had just assuaged many of his fears. The most distressing one still remained, though, and he decided to voice it.

  
“Do you still want me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully that was okay!! i'm always a sucker for comments, so please leave one if you're so inclined!  
> these losers are beautiful and pure why do i hurt them like this


	6. Take the World

_"Do you still want me?"_

 

“Hamilton… Alex… Of course I still want you. I didn't stop wanting you just because of a mistake you made. My feelings aren't a switch, Alex, I can't flip them on and off whenever I feel like it.” John’s hands were fidgeting, and he kept his gaze focused on them. “It doesn’t work like that. One-- admittedly awful-- mistake isn’t going to change my mind about you, at least not instantly.”

 

“It's okay if you don't-- wait, what?” Alexander stared at him with wide eyes. He had prepared and rehearsed a response to John’s inevitable rejection, but he definitely hadn’t been ready for _this._

 

John raised an eyebrow, making eye contact. “Yes, Alexander, I still want you. Is that not the answer you were expecting?”

 

Alex was the one fidgeting now, pulling on the sleeves of his jacket and avoiding direct eye contact. He focused his attention on the statue behind John, the very same one that he’d first seen him near. “Frankly, no. I really really messed up, and I’m so sorry. I totally understand if you don’t wanna talk to me or see me or anything. I can live with that. I just can’t live with _not knowing,_ y’know?” He shifted his gaze back to John’s face. He was smiling, but sadly.

 

Why was he smiling?

 

“Alex, I _just_ said I wanted to be with you. I do. I just wanna take it slow, okay? You… I know you didn’t mean to, but you really hurt me, baby.” He blinked, and Alexander saw tears streak down his skin and drip onto his shirt. It was black and was printed with a pastel milk carton that said, “BOY TEARS.” The irony wasn’t lost on him.

 

“Alexander? Are you-” he choked on the words- “Are you gonna say something?”

 

Alexander had read online somewhere that it was possible for heartstrings to break from emotional trauma.

 

He was pretty sure it felt similar to what he was experiencing.

 

“John…” When had he started crying? He didn’t remember his vision blurring, but it cleared as soon as he blinked, letting hot tears roll down his cheeks. “John, I- I don’t know what you want me to say.”

 

John laughed wetly. “Alexander Hamilton is at a loss for words. This is a first.”

 

Alex tried to form a reply, but every sound stuck in his throat, lodging there and doing nothing but making his eyes water harder. He realized, in some back corner of his mind, that he probably looked like a gasping fish, but the rest of his brain didn’t seem to notice or care.

 

“Look, if you want me to apologize again, I can, but that’s all I can do.”

 

“I don’t want your apology. I want you to _prove_ that you can be better. You can’t do that if I dump you. You realize that, right?” John’s words were softer now. He held his hands out, palms up. “I forgive you, Alexander. And before you tell me that I shouldn’t, remember that this is my choice, not yours. I’m the only one who can make decisions for myself, and if I’ve decided to forgive you, it’s not out of pity or spite. It’s because I _want_ to give you another chance. I _want_ you to prove to me that you’re sorry, and I know I’m making too big a deal out of this, but it’s important to me. _You’re_ important to me, goddamnit.”

 

Alexander finally found his voice. “I love you. John Laurens, I love you. I meant it the first time I said it, and I mean it now. I will _never_ stop loving you. I _will_ prove to you that I’m worthy of your love. Every single day, for the rest of my life, if that’s what it takes. Everything I do is for you, John. Always for you. Always.”

 

John was biting his lip hard enough that Alex could the droplets of blood from where he was standing. He took a step toward the freckled boy, and when John showed no sign of backing away, he moved closer still. He took both of John’s hands in his own, bringing them to his lips. His voice was low, nothing more than a whisper.

 

“Let me be yours again. Please.”

 

John was motionless for a few seconds. Then, all at once, he threw his arms around Alexander, hugging him tight.

 

“Always,” he whispered. Alexander felt John’s fresh tears dripping onto his shirt, and his body finally caught up with his brain and hugged John back.

 

John cupped Alex’s face in his hands and pulled him in for a kiss. “I love you,” he breathed each time their lips separated for a moment, “I love you, I love you, I love you.” John pulled him back into an embrace, covering the top of his head with little kisses. “Be mine, Alexander. Mine.”

 

“No one else's. Never anyone else's,” Alex murmured in reply. He pulled away, taking John's hand and refusing to let their bodies disconnect entirely. John smiled.

 

“Let’s go home.”

 

“Home,” Alexander echoed. He hadn't lived in his own apartment for almost a month. Burr would probably throw a party when he found out Alex was leaving. He'd miss Theodosia, though. He would have to keep in touch with both of them.

 

He hadn't realized he was walking until one of the museum curators wished them a good day and John had pulled him onto the sidewalk.

 

“You _do_ want to go back to your apartment, right?”

 

“Yeah, of course I do. I'm just worried that Herc and Laf aren't going to want me there.”

 

“Don't be an idiot,” John laughed. “They’ll understand. If they know I've forgiven you, they'll do the same. They only wanted to look after my well-being, you know.”

 

True to John's word, the guys accepted Alex into the flat. Laf had been about to close the door when they’d seen that John and Alex were holding hands. Their eyes widened and they whispered Mulligan’s name. The both of them looked surprised, but opened the door and let them in.

 

“Are you two… Is there any, how you say, bad blood, between you?” Lafayette asked as soon as they were inside. The four of them sat in various places around the living area, and Hercules raised an eyebrow when John pulled Alexander into his arms on the couch.

 

“Relax, guys. We talked, and all was forgiven. Alex is gonna do his best to prove himself again, isn't that right, baby?”

 

Alex nodded. “I hope you guys can forgive me. I know I totally screwed up, but if John is willing to let me back into his life with forgiveness, then I really hope you can too.”

 

Lafayette and Mulligan exchanged a look, and within moments they were sandwiching Alex and John on the sofa.

 

“We’re so sorry that we doubted you, _Alexandre.”_

 

“We shouldn't have pushed you away,” Hercules agreed. “We should’ve been less accusatory and figured out what had really happened instead of giving you the cold shoulder in favor of keeping John safe.”

 

“Hey, don’t worry about it too much, guys,” Alexander said. “It’s fine. You were looking after John, and I really kind of deserved to be ignored. Don’t get me wrong,” he added, “It was pretty rough, and I felt kinda betrayed when pretty much everyone went to John’s side, but it- it was fine. It’s fine. I probably sound really bitter.” He laughed. “I’m not. I’m… happy.”

 

John smiled and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Good. We won’t isolate you again, though. It’s unhealthy, and I feel really bad about it.”

  
“Like I said, I forgive you. You weren’t really at fault. I probably would’ve done the same.”

 

“So are you guys… back… together?” Hercules ventured. Alexander looked at John, who noticed his expression and laughed.

 

“ _Yes,_ baby girl. Of course.”

 

They heard Alex mumble something that sounded like, “Just checking,” and the three of them hugged him as tightly as possible.

 

“So it’s only, like, three pm, but do you guys wanna have dinner or something? Maybe tell the rest of the squad what’s up, if you’re comfortable?”

 

“Sounds good to me,” John agreed. “Laf, get _off!_ You’re elbowing me in the ribs.”

 

“That’s the price you pay, _mon ami._ ”

 

“ _For what?!_ ” John cried indignantly. Alex pushed Lafayette’s arm away and kissed John’s chest.

 

“Better?”

 

“Much.”

 

“Y’all are gross,” Hercules grumbled. “I’m gonna put something in the group chat. Where do you wanna go?”

 

 **gothedistance:** meet up at the cafe?

 **ANGELica:** for sure

 **andpeggy:** yeah alright

 **andpeggy:** i think it’s funny that we never call it by its name tho

 **elizard:** to be fair we go there all the time (i’m in too!!)

 **andpeggy:** i dont even remember what its called

 **lafgayette:** im obviously, how you say, “in” as well

 **fightme.txt:** lafayette you speak better english than most of america

**_fightme.txt_ ** _added_ **_a.ham_ **

**andpeggy:** :O

 **elizard:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **ANGELica:** ohmygo d

 **fightme.txt:** i’ll explain when we meet up

 

“John, Alex, I suggest closing the Skype app _right now,_ ” Herc advised as he pocketed his phone. “Your notifications are about to blow up like none other.”

 

“Okay, _amoureux,_ get yourselves ready. You look like a mess.”

 

“Thanks, Gil,” John grumbled in feigned annoyance. “Love you too.”

 

“I meant that you look like you’ve been crying, the both of you.”

 

“Probably because we were crying,” Alex deadpanned. “Not all of us were blessed with incredible beauty and the ability to cry prettily.”

 

“Will you losers just pick up the pace?” Mulligan rolled his eyes at his three best friends. “We gotta go.”

 

“Fine, fine, we’re coming,” Alex said. He took John’s hand and prepared to face whatever this dinner would throw at them.

 

They would do it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay it's been FOREVER, i know. i'm really sorry about that, i feel awful about it. my excuse is finals, but really i had no inspiration for a long time.  
> thanks so much for all of your sweet comments, they make me so happy!! xx  
> so to make it up to you, y'all get to vote on whose perspective i write in next! you can't choose alex or john though lol  
> edit (11/14/16): I haven't updated this in forever, and after rereading it, I feel like this a good place to end it. I'll probably be doing more in this universe though, so keep an eye out!! love you all so much xx  
> (tumblr is jeffer-sin)


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